Skip to main content

Giving a Good Answer is More Than Just Being Factually Accurate!

A while back, a well-known conservative Christian blog ran a series of posts entitled "Next". They were designed to be short, witty, and occasionally snarky responses to objections people raise about the church.

Often the responses were well-thought out and reflected very good answers to sometimes tough questions. However, I shuddered a little every time I read them because answers that end with, "Next!" just don't seem to reflect the type of grace I'd like them to.

If you know me well, you know that I'm not always the most gentle of people, but I feel like this is an area of my life that the Spirit has shaped over the years... which is perhaps why I'm more sensitive to this.

So I asked in the comments of one of these posts if they could show me some Proverbs (the author is absolutely brilliant in his use of Proverbs) that demonstrate this type of dialogue as appropriate. After not receiving a response, I went ahead and did a quick word search in Proverbs for "answer".

Below I listed the verses which seemed appropriate to this discussion, and then made a short list of things I learned about wisely answering people (especially those with whom you disagree):

Proverbs 1:28 - "Then they will call to me but I will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me.
Proverbs 15:1 - A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 15:28 - The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.
Proverbs 18:13 - He who answers before listening— that is his folly and his shame.
Proverbs 18:23 - A poor man pleads for mercy, but a rich man answers harshly.
Proverbs 21:13 - If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered.
Proverbs 22:21 - teaching you true and reliable words, so that you can give sound answers to him who sent you?
Proverbs 24:26 - An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.
Proverbs 26:4 - Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself.
Proverbs 26:5 - Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes.
Proverbs 26:16 - The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who answer discreetly.
Proverbs 27:11 - Be wise, my son, and bring joy to my heart; then I can answer anyone who treats me with contempt.

Obviously, the art of listening to and answering people is an important skill for any small group leader. Reading these verses is a challenge to me regarding my own skills in answering graciously. I'll continue working on answering THIS way, I hope you will to. Below are a few nuggets of wisdom I gleaned from these great verses:

WISDOM FOR ANSWERING PEOPLE:

1. Be Gentle, not harsh.

2. Listen well before you formulate your answer.

3. Weigh your answer, don't immediately gush.

4. Give answers that reflect Scripture.

5. Don't endlessly debate with a fool.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

10 Summer Activities To Keep Your Small Group Connected

I just sent an email to all our small group leaders (I do this 3-4 times each month). This week's focus was STAYING CONNECTED THROUGH THE SUMMER. Below is a list of 10 summer activities a small group can use to stay connected. These are specifically created for groups at The Gathering, but you can pretty easily modify the list to fit your church or your community. Go to a Dragon's Game together. You can buy tickets as a group from the church for the game on July 11. Design a Progressive Dinner. Have appetizers at one house, salad at another, the main course somewhere else and dessert at a final destination. Have a monthly barbecue party. Serve together. Pick a place (Good Neighbor House, St. Vincents, Victory Project, Pirate Packs, Caring Partners International, One Bistro) and sign up to serve as a group one afternoon or evening. Meet up at the Family Movie Night on June 15. Spend a day at King's Island. Work at the church for an afternoon. We have many proj...
Post a Comment
Read more

20 Questions to Build Group Connections

Here is a great exercise for a new group. The instructions are pretty simple. Go around the group giving each person the opportunity to choose one question and answer it honestly. Anyone can follow-up with an opinion or clarifying question (no critiquing each other's answers, though). Once a question has been answered, no one else may answer that question. If your group is larger, you may want to alter the rule and allow each question to be answered 2 or 3 times. Ideally, each person should end up answering 3-5 questions. As the leader, pay attention to the conversation. Let the discussion run its course as this is how people in the group build their relationships with one another. You can use these questions, modify them or create your own.
Post a Comment
Read more

5 Conversations Every Small Group Should Have

Small group gatherings are not business meetings. They need not have rigid agendas or strict time constraints. Although effective groups often follow set curriculum, there are times when they can take a break from their plans and have conversations about their group’s health. These five questions can be used together or one at a time. They are designed to help groups’ determine their identity, diagnoses their health and develop a plan for the future. How can we meet one another’s needs? Acts is full of stories about Christians finding creative means by which they can meet each other’s needs. Some even sold their properties and possessions. The small group is the ideal lab in which we can work out what it truly means to love one another as Jesus loved us. If the greatest love of all is laying down our lives for each other (and it is), then meeting the needs of others in our group should be one of our first and highest priorities. How can we encourage one another? 1...
Post a Comment
Read more