Using Questions to Deepen Relationships

The most recent edition of Discipleship Journal includes an article by Lori Roeleveld which suggests three ways questions can "unlock relationships". For those desiring to build stronger relationships in their groups, here's a quick summary:

Questions can be a doorway to healing.
When people come to us for help or advice, we can be so ready to expound our knowledge that we forget to wonder why they are asking... Our well-intentioned answers may not reach people's hearts because they aren't really looking for words or opinions -- they are looking for something deeper. Asking clarifying questions can open doors we didn't even know were there and give us insight into how to frame our responses.

Questions can be confrontation calmers.
People confront us for any number of reasons. They may have legitimate complaints against us or be honestly seeking answers about biblical issues. Or they may be channeling the anger they feel toward God or others in the wrong direction. When others confront us, we too often become defensive and respond before we really understand what the disagreement is about. Asking questions can increase the effectiveness of these conversations better than jumping to defenses, apologetics or sermons.

Questions can be steps to intimacy.
We regularly ask questions to get to know people when we first meet them, but after relationships develop, we often forget to pursue deeper knowledge of each other. Creative questions can bring us new insights into people, even those we are most familiar with.

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10 Summer Activities To Keep Your Small Group Connected

I just sent an email to all our small group leaders (I do this 3-4 times each month). This week's focus was STAYING CONNECTED THROUGH THE SUMMER. Below is a list of 10 summer activities a small group can use to stay connected. These are specifically created for groups at The Gathering, but you can pretty easily modify the list to fit your church or your community. Go to a Dragon's Game together. You can buy tickets as a group from the church for the game on July 11. Design a Progressive Dinner. Have appetizers at one house, salad at another, the main course somewhere else and dessert at a final destination. Have a monthly barbecue party. Serve together. Pick a place (Good Neighbor House, St. Vincents, Victory Project, Pirate Packs, Caring Partners International, One Bistro) and sign up to serve as a group one afternoon or evening. Meet up at the Family Movie Night on June 15. Spend a day at King's Island. Work at the church for an afternoon. We have many proj...

20 Questions to Build Group Connections

Here is a great exercise for a new group. The instructions are pretty simple. Go around the group giving each person the opportunity to choose one question and answer it honestly. Anyone can follow-up with an opinion or clarifying question (no critiquing each other's answers, though). Once a question has been answered, no one else may answer that question. If your group is larger, you may want to alter the rule and allow each question to be answered 2 or 3 times. Ideally, each person should end up answering 3-5 questions. As the leader, pay attention to the conversation. Let the discussion run its course as this is how people in the group build their relationships with one another. You can use these questions, modify them or create your own.

5 Conversations Every Small Group Should Have

Small group gatherings are not business meetings. They need not have rigid agendas or strict time constraints. Although effective groups often follow set curriculum, there are times when they can take a break from their plans and have conversations about their group’s health. These five questions can be used together or one at a time. They are designed to help groups’ determine their identity, diagnoses their health and develop a plan for the future. How can we meet one another’s needs? Acts is full of stories about Christians finding creative means by which they can meet each other’s needs. Some even sold their properties and possessions. The small group is the ideal lab in which we can work out what it truly means to love one another as Jesus loved us. If the greatest love of all is laying down our lives for each other (and it is), then meeting the needs of others in our group should be one of our first and highest priorities. How can we encourage one another? 1...

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